10 Signs You’re In NYC For The Holidays

Buzzfeed just did 31 Reasons Christmas In New York Ruins You For Life. Well, yeah. Those things are great for the Tourism Industry. Great for Rom Com scenes. But let’s be honest. This town doesn’t always live up to those standards. I’m not complaining, I’m just laying down the truth here.

In fact, I’ve made my own list of  10 Signs You’re in NYC For The Holidays.

1. You decide to take the stairs instead of the elevator to walk off the extra holiday cocktails and cookies and stumble across Rocky The Dead Christmas Roach.
Rocky

2. Forget Frosty. We’ve got Vito the filthy, cigar chomping, half-eaten carrot nosed, horndog Snowman.

FullShot

3. You get invited to what might seem like a fun event. The NewsCorp Holiday Parties (which no longer take place) were often described as “legendary” and “opulent”. Back in 2006, I had to use this cool boarding pass to get into the Hilton Hotel. Once inside, I was treated to an indoor skating rink, an open bar, NewsCorp maracas and themed rooms bursting with food from around the world. You know what? Somehow it still sucked.

NewsCorpPass4. On a related note: if you host your own party, you may have to force your friends to put on coats as they shiver and sip hot glögg and make s’mores out on the terrace because your studio apartment is too damn small…

Holiday Hut

…some of them will be nice enough to pretend to enjoy it long enough to snap a photo.

5. Post Santa Con puke…

Vomit6. And discarded fake beards on subway stairs…

SantaBeard7. Sharing a hot dog with your favorite drag queen in Midtown…

hot dog joy

8. …after joining the Midwestern tourist can-can line…

DragulaCanCan

 

9. An uptick in entrepreneurs laying down ratty sheets and selling the most peculiar things: ancient technology, stained self-help books and my favorite: one shoe. Yep. Just the one.

Learned Optimism

10. And finally, seeing your neighbor as you make the festive trek to the supermarket to pick out your Christmas tree, hoping that no dogs have peed on it yet. I love you NYC–there’s no place I’d rather be for the holidays!
Neighborhood Cheer

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