Why I Choose A Female Gynecologist, EVERY DAMN TIME!

So, if you’ve been reading this blog for a while, you probably know I’m a woman.
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Which means I talk to other women on a regular basis about things men may not.
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Which is probably why years ago, when I was working at CNN, a female co-worker had no problem coming into work on her afternoon shift and announcing:
“That’s it. I’m getting a female gynecologist.”
I raised an eyebrow, she took this as encouragement.
She says:
“I’ve got my feet in the stirrups.
He’s got that metal clamp in my box.
I’m not feeling particularly comfortable.
So in what I assume in his masculine way is supposed to make me feel comfortable, he looks up at me from in between my legs and says, “So how was your weekend? You know, I went Large Mouth Bass fishing this weekend…”
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Now, I didn’t really need this cautionary tale, since I have always chosen female gynecologists.
It just makes sense. They have the same equipment as me. They know what they’re working with, first hand.

But a recent trip to my gynecologist really brought it home.
So…
I had just experimented with a home waxing kit.
Yeah-if you’re a woman you’ve been there too. Don’t pretend you haven’t.
One foot on the toilet, your fingers clutching a wooden stick covered in hot wax, going where it shouldn’t.

Well…

The aftermath of this particular waxperiment was particularly foul. Okay, it was horrific. My sad, depressed vagina looked like a post-apocalypic wasteland: barren, bumpy terrain with just a few tufts of singed hair; like hard core, pollution-resistent weeds that grow through city concrete.

No joke: My pussy was tragic. Barren, lonely and ugly. Something straight out of an Ibsen play. And I had an appointment with my female gynecologist.

So, I’ve got my feet in the stirrups.
She’s got the metal clamp in my box.
I’m not feeling particularly comfortable.
I want to explain the sadness of my vagina.
I’m about to say something when she looks up at me from in between my legs and says, “Sally Hansen strikes again.”
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And that’s why I will always choose a female gynecologist.

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