The Caftan/Turban Combo: A How-To Guide

It’s caftan season, bitches.
That’s right…it’s a Caftanabration!

As evidenced by high profile style articles in New York Magazine and elsewhere, the caftan has been rescued and reclaimed from the fashion trashcan, adorning sleek and not-so-sleek bodies everywhere. And that’s just the point of a caftan. It’s the democratization of style. They look great on everyone. So forgiving. So comfortable. So breathable…So rejoice, saddle up to the buffet, for the caftan has risen!

But I’d like to make an addendum to this Caftanabration. The next step for fashion forward caftanistas is the caftan/turban combo. The caftan is just something you slip on. Maybe head to the corner store for a pack of smokes and some tampons. But a caftan and a turban? You’ve gotta own that shit. This combo changes your facial expression, the way you walk, your whole outlook. Confused? Don’t be.

Check it:

Step One: Caftan/Turban Face
This is the key to your success. It’s an enchanted, far away look, as though you are looking into another dimension, wandering in the moonlit woods, in a dream-like state. Or perhaps like me you are posing near some dusty shrubs and a pile of dog shit, peering onto 1st Avenue.
[Note: Why yes, that is a Turbie Twist, more often used to pull your hair out of your face when you scrub it. Just work with me here. It matched the caftan and the earrings.]
Step Two: Posing While Sitting in Your Caftan
When you sit in your caftan, it is most important that you spread your legs as you maintain caftan/turban face. This is because the point of a caftan is that you can air yourself out without appearing vulgar. And really, you should seize that opportunity as often as possible. Especially if you are enduring NYC in the summer.
[Note: These gold embroidered slippers were given to me by a Moroccan cab driver in Atlanta at 4am sometime in the late 90s.]
Step Three: Appearing Mystical
The Caftan/Turban combo leads people to believe that you are a Mystical Being, capable of fortunetelling, soothsaying, and peering deep into another person’s dark soul. If you are not feeling up to the heavy weight of Mystical Expectations, simply close your eyes and arch your eyebrow; thereby convincing your audience you are immersed in deep thought. (Even if you are really just wondering how to make a hasty retreat from a boring party where the host didn’t even have the decency to stock enough good gin.)
So there you have it. Now get out there and do your caftan/turban combo proud! And if you have any photos of you looking spectacular, send ’em my way!


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