10 Famous Dead People Going Through Airport Security

Most of us have endured the annoyance and irritation of airport security. Yeah, yeah. It’s for our safety. But as we all know, it’s a pain in the ass. Sometimes it can be completely mortifying. Once en route to Berlin, I found myself taking off my shoes, my belt and then getting my tits fondled by a brusque German security officer. I refer to this as, “The Time I Got Felt Up In Frankfurt.” That big, scary bitch didn’t even buy me dinner first. Afterwards, I started to think about how certain historical figures would have dealt with these stringent security rules and embarrassing airport moments. I came up with this list:

1. Frank Sinatra
“Look baby, I’m not takin’ off my shoes. It just ain’t classy. No way.”

2. Mae West
“You wanna x-ray me? Oh, honey. Well, it’s better to be looked over than overlooked.”

3. Oscar Wilde
“One should either be a work of art or wear a work of art…What? Place my velvet waistcoat in this bin? With my shoes? How incredibly distasteful.”

4. Napoleon
“Qu’est-ce que c’est? Mais non! Pas moi!”

5. Truman Capote
“Well, I’m about as tall as a shotgun and just as noisy. What? No, you moron! I said I’m about as tall as a shotgun. I didn’t say I had one. Oh, honestly. This is just ridiculous.”

6. Elvis
“Don’t you step on my blue suede shoes…Huh? Take ’em off?”
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7. Al Capone
“Whaddya mean I can’t take my piece on the plane?”

8. Andy Warhol
“Ohhhhhhhh. How funny. I don’t know what to say. Mmmm.”

9. Liberace
“You want me to put all my rings in this little basket? Ugh. So tacky.”

10. Jean-Paul Sartre
“Merde. It really is true! Hell is other people.”


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