Tim Tebow’s Sins: A Speculative List


There’s been much discussion lately about Tim Tebow’s innate goodness. Some journalists theorize that he is disliked by many because he’s just so incredibly good that people feel bad about themselves by comparison. But a friend of mine isn’t so sure. She said, “I can just feel the Tiger Woods in this story. Some how, some day, some way, Tebow will be exposed for his sins. He might not be a serial adulterer, but I just BET he doesn’t put the toilet seat down.”

Well.

That got me to thinking about which types of sinful behavior Tim Tebow may be committing without the public’s knowledge.
I came up with this list:

10 Speculative Tebow Transgressions

1. The aforementioned “not putting the toilet seat down.”

2. Not giving the “thank you” wave when another car lets him in line.

3. Not refilling the ice cube tray after taking the last one. (Okay, so this one probably isn’t true as I suspect he has a fancy ice maker and not an ancient, hideous dorm fridge like I do in my tiny, shitty NYC kitchen.)

4. Excess use of LOL.

5. Addendum: Possibly lying about LOL. Could just be smiling or grinning yet claims to be LOLing.

6. Letting out silent farts in an elevator.

7. Addendum: Farting at home and blaming it on the dog.

8. Wearing athletic socks with a suit.

9. Giving inauthentic mercy “likes” on Facebook.

10. Secretly disposing of Canadian change in the Starbucks tip jar.

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