Death To Baby Voice: A Manifesto

I live in a city teeming with some of the most successful, powerful women in the world.
Confident, educated women who stride through these Manhattan streets with a swagger. They conquer this town in expensive shoes: social climbing, hailing cabs to chic restaurants, running up the steps of 100 Centre Street.
These women call board meetings, pounce on underlings, and take their places at broadcast news desks; telling America about current events that affect all of us.
Some of these women are my friends and co-workers.
When we get together, they speak in normal voices. They crack dirty jokes, bitch about boyfriends and politicians. They order drinks, dinner and towncars in a solid, “don’t fuck with me” tone.
But it all comes to a screeching halt when they are with their boyfriends, guys who think they’re cute,  or husbands…
That’s right.
When they’re talking on cell phones, office phones or at home.
All of a sudden, they become sweet Little Bo Peep.
All of a sudden, those expensive, haute couture clothes are resting on hunched, submissive shoulders.
Because all of a sudden, these powerful, cool, educated women are using Baby Voice.
What is Baby Voice?
Why, that’s what lazy, idiotic women use with men when:
1. they want to seem cute.
2. they want to complain about something, but don’t want to intimidate.
3. they want to get laid.
4. they want to demand something of the the men they are dating, but are afraid to sound demanding.


How is it that some women can use a normal voice in the business world or with female friends, but have to revert to this pathetic voice with the men in their lives?

What does that mean?

Why do women feel the need to pretend to be children with men, even when they work with them everyday?

C’mon, bitches.
I want an answer.
What’s wrong with you?

And before anyone writes in to tell me they don’t use Baby Voice…
Fuck you.
You know damn well you’ve used it.
I’ve done it, and I’m writing this post.

Your turn…


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