Today we're flinging open the closet and dragging a few fictional characters out of it's depths. For far too long these cartoons, TV characters, advertising mascots and literary heroes have remained in the closet; squished up against the holiday ornaments and unused sweaters from grandma, smelling of mothballs.
No more! Let's let some air in, shall we? I've compiled a list:
1. Mr. Clean (The earring, the commitment to cleanliness, the tight muscle T-shirt and hot gym rat body…his closet door is glass.)
2. Mr. Peanut.
3. Jon from Garfield. (Sure, he's always going out on dates. But how old is he now? 45? 50? And he's still alone, making lasagne for his cat.)
4. Velma from Scooby Doo.
5. Ponyboy from The Outsiders. (A sensitive, artistic soul who was never too keen on participating in a rumble.)
6. The Professor from Gilligan's Island.
7. Kitt the car from Knight Rider. (Kitt was clearly in love with David Hasselhoff.)
8. Alice from The Brady Bunch. (Sam the butcher was just a beard.)
9. Schroeder from Peanuts. (Repeatedly scorns Lucy's advances and has great hair. Not much to go on, but to quote Velma-I've got a hunch.)
10. The Fonz. (Sure, he hung around with packs of beautiful women. But how straight can any man be who makes the men's bathroom his "office"?)